Personalised Welcome to a new year
A New year say's HI as the another bids goodbye.....
I think deeply as to what I need to do at a time like this ? Ever since a child I never felt the sadness of separation. Whenever I had to let go I always found something new and exciting to replace it. I was just a child, but now matters of the mind have changed.
I stand here thinking, of all the friends with whom I couldn't share a last goodbye, all the places I miss being and all the people who have touched my life in different ways.
I have been a constant traveller. Thanks to the technology I am able to track back most of my old classmates and school mates and get in touch with them. Else I could only wonder What splendid were those days of childhood which has left behind memories sweet and hint of sour ;)
I look forward to this new year, I strongly feel there shall be many changes as the year proceeds.
I wish nothing more than a heapful of changes in my life. With change comes freshness and with freshness and new hope to strive harder and do better.
WISHING ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009.
Love Lasts A Life Time
Here we come to an end... i got to let you go, My heart feels heavy as I bid good bye to you .. , to us .. , and to everything that we shared. I can still remember the day you came into my life, there were fire works in the sky. In the dark you came as a ray of light, spreading smile on everyone's face. remember the day i cried, and you held my hand and showed me that problems had a beautiful side to it. The side which we always neglected and didn't notice.You taught me how to see beyond the visible, I never thanked you for it.I didn't thank because we were just such close pals but now that we can never see each other again,I want to tell you all that I never did.
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You have filled my life with joy. your presence makes me feel warm. since the time you came, I knew in my heart this was the beginning of something new and you did make a difference in my life , life has changed with your very touch and I've gained a lot out of you. you have made me stronger, strong enough to face this world on my own. you have made a young woman out of the very girl I was. How do I thank you for all the changes you have brought into me?
Now we stand at the crossroad, from where we have to separate, It's hard to let you go.But alas, I cannot stay. This was our time, and we had it, we spent each moment together, spending all the time we had.I have loved each one of your surprises - be it big or small, each one of your gifts and each word you ever told me lies safe in my heart. I will always cherish the time we were together. When ever I remember you , I shall have a wide smile.
Bye bye 2008, you will be my friend nothing time can change, together till the end.Memories will bond us together all the way. you're in my heart to stay. Ture friend ship never dies.
Zephyr
Zephyr was the gentle wind of the west and the interceder between the World of the living and the Underworld. Zephyr was the fresh wind who brought the spring rains that were so valuable for awakening the nature.
Zephyr was the son of Astraeus and Eos, the goddess of the dawn and he was the father of the spring flowers. His mate was Podarge and together they created the two immortal horses of Achilles, Xanthus and Balius
Zephyrus was the wind that guided Aphrodite to the sea of Paphos when she was born and the only wind Odysseus allowed helping him find his way to Ithaca.
Softly the leaves moved hush hush
as the trees begun to go green and lush.
It's season of spring - when romance is felt
fresh in the air.when comely the snow melts
The flowers bloom with a sweet scent
in colors red, pink, yellow and dark violet.
The brids sing around a happy song
making everyone feel, this is where I belong.
Zephyr's here again touching every soul,
every mind with his swift and airy hand.
Around that time ( part 6 )
I reached home and was watching tv when I recieved a call from Renu. Probably Karthik had told her we had met. But why did he have to tell her? Was he trying to get me influenced? Whatever I couldn't avoid talking to Renu. she is sweet caring friend of mine. We spoke for about 15 minutes, most part of it being regarding the internals we had just finished. I ended the call by saying" I spoke to Karthik will tell you more when we meet" and hung up. Renu was understanding, sometimes I felt she was more matured than Somu. But I can't blame Somu too she had her reasons, limitaions and circumstances to be the way she was. The evening just passed by. I was in my room after dinner reading newspaper when mom came in with apple. Apple was only a reason, she wanted to talk to me. I could figure that out. She sat down and casually asked me " How's everything going on?" " hmmm... everything's just fine mom. " I replied. "So what's with you and Somu?" she asked me as she handed over the piece of apple. "We are just having a bad time, a few differences and misunderstandings. You know na ma. We should be fine in few days to come." I said. Though I wasn't sure what was to happen in the coming days. Mom handed another piece of apple and said " Try to sort things soon with Somu. mom has never intruded with me and my friends and has helped me grow into the free individual that I am. She left to finish up cleaning the kitchen. I slept late that night, I was lying on the bed and reading. The last words I read were - "Don't fight a fact, deal with it. Don't discard yourself, be more of it.
The next day in the lab Renu was very excited to know more about Karthik and me and our meeting. She was the only one with whom I could share. Hence I told her.I told her every word of it. " when are you meeting him again?" Renu asked. " I guess, it's best to avoid him Renu. The problem is he likes me and my best friend likes him. Doesn't it sound like karan johar's film story?" I asked. When I got no reaction from her, I continued. " It's tough to accept when such things happen in life. I have given a lot of thought on it. " I said. "Have you gone mad? " said Renu as she kept her book aside and came closer to me. "Karthik is a nice guy. He is serious about you. " By then Sir came to the lab and we couldn't talk more. At that very point something struck my mind and I knew if this could work everything would become normal. I choose to keep it from everyone including Renu. I would wait for the time to be right. I attended classes normally. Avoided Karthik and his talks with Renu. Karthik probably waited for me to get back to him. I was being a good and hardworking student - doing all my assignments on my own, completing lab records and observations. I spent most of the time in library now, either reading or thinking on how I could execute my plan.
It had been three weeks and I wasn't any close. Then I had my luck, when shaina came to me to borrow my LD notes. I knew she could help me out. Somu was getting close to her. I struck a deal with shaina and she readily accepted to help me out . Now I messaged Karthik. " Hi, How r u doing? I wanted to meet you, tmrw at 10 am on the college terrace. hoping to cya thr." I immediately got a call from Karthik. I went out of the library into the corridor to take his call. " hi Karthik " I said. " Hi vani, I got a message from you, I just wanted to confirm it. So I called hope I didn't disturb you. " he said. " Oh no, Thank you so much for calling. So See Ya on the terrace tomorrow." I said expecting him to hang up. But he wanted to talk more. "What do you want to talk to me about?" He asked. "That you'll get to know only tomorrow, please be there right on time. Bye " I said and hung up. I was close to setting things right or I could screw it more. But I wanted to take a chance rather than doing nothing about it. . The next day, I came early to college. Went up on the terrace, made sure I had locked the other entrance to the terrace. I waited but time just wouldn't pass. I sat there thinking what I would talk to Somu when she would be there and how she would forget the past and we would get back to being good friends again.
Shaina came with Somu right at 9:45 am as she had promised. As they entered the terrace Somu saw me. She went furious on seeing me.Looking at Shaina she said "You shouldn't have done this." I went a head, standing right in front of Somu I said " If I ever meant a friend to you, then please stay and listen to me. " I said. She turned towards the door. "Won't you give me one chance to explain. Was I that bad with you. For good times sake stay back."I pleaded. What worked the magic I don't know but Somu turned back and said "Ok tell me what you have to say. Make it quick I don't have too much time for you." " I Haven't betrayed your trust. I have nothing to do with Karthik. I don't know why he said he would want to date me or why he would ask me out soon." I stopped there to see Somu's reaction. She was getting more furious for sure. She said "So you know everything, but you're forgetting something here." What's that?" I asked. By then Karthik got on the terrace with a red rose in hand. " Oh my god ! I don't want to stay here and have more humiliation. " Said Somu. Karthik looked at all the three of us. " Hi girls, Hi Vani." He said. "I'm leaving. Let's go shaina." said Somu. " "Somu please don't go, we can talk it out. Please stay back." I had tears but I didn't let them roll down my cheeks making it evident that i was crying. Somu looked at Karthik went towards him and said " Probably you didn't tell her everything you said at Pizza hut. didn't you? " She had a wicked smile on her face. She left with Shaina.
With Somu leaving me I was broken But what had Karthik said. Hadn't he told me everything that happened at Pizza hut? Did he hide something from me? I asked Karthik "What's Somu talking about?" Karthik who was always confident, I saw him nervous now. He wasn't looking at me. He brought the rose in his hand forward and said " I got this for you. Please take it." I took it. I don't know what was I thinking but I held the rose in my hand. Then he continued. " I went over board,I'm sorry. I was excited for the first time I was talking about you and me. Hence I had lost control on what I was saying, I said - That we were waiting for the right time to make our relation public. I'm sorry. I know we never spoke anything about it. But we have always had a good time. I was only trying to pose in front of my friends. I had no other intentions trust me please." He held my hand, I had gone cold and his hands felt warm. I was not prepared to listen to what I just did. I wished someone would wake me from this night mare.I had lost the last hope I had. I took back my hand. I said no word nor did I see his face.I just walked down from the terrace dropping the rose from my hand as Karthik stood there.The whole world had gone silent.
Around that time ( part 5 )
Another week of college went by. It was no less than torture but I was getting used to it.Now in 3 days we had our first Internals. It was important firstly, as the syllabus would be less and also if you score well then you only have to do well in one more internals. Aggregate is taken from best two of the three internals. Studying was first in the agenda. Six subjects and three days of preparations was good enough as the internals were only for 25 marks. The next three days went by and so did the three days after that. Two internals per day had left us with any time to catch up with anything else. I Studied all the while with Renu without having a clue with whom was Somu studying. I would see her only in the class writing the internals. I did come across Karthik a few times on the stairs and canteen but avoided talking to him. I always felt that he was holding himself from doing the talk and was waiting for me to come out on it.
It was now 15 days since the Day, though it seemed to be much much more. I attended the classes asusual and left for home on my scooty. I was just two kms away to home when I saw Karthik on the road. I looked at him and went past him. He got on his bike and followed me. I met him at the next signal. "hi vani." he said. " oh.... Hi " I said as if I hadn't noticed him. " I was hoping we could talk" he said. well I had been waiting to talk too definetly not on the road as we were standing in the signal! so I said. " Why don't you come home we can sit and talk comfortably." "you know we won't be able to talk comfortably if we are at your place." By then the green signal went on and I crossed the signal and parked the vehicle onto the road side." Ok then, Coffee day would be fine?" I asked. he nodded is head. "Then follow me. " I said as I accelarated.
We sat in the coffee day. It was 5 pm and there were no people to drink coffee that day. We sat there. I kept looking through the menu. He was looking at me. Silence prevailed for ten minutes. "There was a time when we couldn't stop talking and now we have no words to talk." he said "I don't want to beat around the bush, I was silent hoping you'll tell me what happened between you and Somu on the other day? " I looked into his face. he looked into mine. He was serious, I had never seen him like that before. he said "Before I tell you something, I want you to know I care for you. I admire the friendship you share with Somu." I was out of control and in no mood to listen to anything other than what had happened, " Now I know so please tell me what happened. " I said being sarcastic . " I will. " He said But please let's order first and he called for the order. "I'll have a Coffee latte." I said. And he ordered for Irish Coffee.
Seeing I was desperate to know he began "This happened on sunday when you missed out coming for Kamesh's treat.". I was listening with all ears. "Somu was there with rinki. We went to the Pizza hut, we were having a good time when snap's spotted a cute couple and we started talking about dating. I was thrown with a random question by Somu asking me what kind of girl I would like to date. I casually said I would like to date someone like Vani. She went onto ask, then do you plan on asking her out. And I said yes very soon I will. This was the conversation that led to all the drama." As soon as he was done I blurted. "she likes you." I said "Can't you see it? She felt offended that you took my name instead of her's. she loves you like crazy and I doubt you'll find anyone else to match her. Why don't you talk to her?" I suggested reacting quick to what he said. "Are you out of your mind? Why should I talk to her and what should I talk her about? Tell me. " Karthik sounded angry. I kept quite. I had no answer. I didn't utter a word. I just wanted everything to be like before Me, Somu, Karthik - All just friends. Wonder why does love have to intervene? Somu loves Karthik and Karthik very smartly told me he likes me. What Am I to do?
Now again I stand in the centre to be hit by everyone, I thought. Why do i have to be the target? By then, the coffee was served. As we sipped coffee, Karthik said " Don't worry everything will be fine. With time Somu will understand I never liked her to be my girlfriend. She's a smart and pretty girl, she'll find someone who shall love her the most." I was now raging" But till then, what's she going to do? cry all nights and days for you... and have no friends... and no life. All because she loved you." I said it to myself. Wish I could say it out loud to Karthik. But I kept quite. I quickly finished the coffee and said " I'm getting late to go home." "But I want to talk many more things to you. " Karthik said. "We shall Karthik but I have to go now. Hope you understand."I said. Leaving him with no choice. He paid the bill and we left on our bikesafter saying bye. My thoughts would'nt stop. Karthik likes me out of everyone else in this world, forget the world out of everyone else in college. such pretty girls out there, was no one else good enough for him? why did he have to spoil my relation with Somu? Karthik is in 7th sem, and the topper in his batch too. He has his own gang of friends, all of them cool and nice. He's the lecturer's favourite. He's been placed in Infosys. He's sweet. He's caring.He's a catch no girl would want to miss. My thoughts were killing me.I remembered the lines I had read (quote) I don't feel " I want. " I feel " I lack." I decide " I want.
Around that time ( part 4 )
I went home and slept off to get up only the next morning. I was emotionally drained. I had got up early. I took my scooty out and got it in shape to go to college. I took a long warm shower preparing myself to face today's day. I was truly tensed as to what it might turn out to be.I ate the breakfast that mom served telling her - " Ma, Somu will not be picking me up today, I'll be taking my scooty ." She looked at me. I looked towards my feet. she said "ok, but be careful as you ride." I took my helmet, bag and left for college. I reached the college 15 minutes early. Not many had come as yet. There was Seema and Vidya. I just smiled at them said "hi. " And sat on the first bench.
I put on my mp3 player tuned it to the song afreen afreen by Nusrat Fateh Ali khan and took out my book and began to read it. I didn't want to notice everything that was happening around me. Did i actually know what was happening? What was I avoiding? But I preferred not to know and avoid it what so ever it was. I know everyone had an opinion about what happened sadly I had one too. "I shouldn't be thinking too much." I said to myself and continued with reading.(quote) Anxiety, fear, panic, is running away mentally, not physically. There is something over there in the corner of my mind, some thought, some image that I don't want to look at. Fear is based on the belief that I am safer not seeing, like a child closing its eyes as the ball comes toward it. Awareness is the first step to freeing the mind. I must not only hear the fear out but question it closely as to the answer it is suggesting. Just as with a nightmare, most fears will fall by the weight of their own nonsense - once they are bluntly seen. As I was pretending to be busy reading, shaina got into the class with Somu. Shaina shouted out a hi from across the room as she entered" Hi Vani" she screamed. Calling for every one's attention." hi shaina... H..i.. S..O..M..U.. " I said hesitantly.It took a lot of courage to say a hi.Shaina sat next to me where as Somu occupied the last bench.
Meanwhile Renu came in, She saw me and Somu seated in different benches.She stood there at the door looked at both of us and left.The class went on and I just pretended to be concentrating. I so much wanted to sort out things with Somu but this was definetly not the right time. And Renu, where did she go? As soon as we had the break I went out looking for Renu. I finally found her in the library. She was seated with someone. I walked towards her, only to find Karthik there. I controlled myself and with a fake smile said "Hi karthik, don't you seniors have classes today? where's nikitha, snap's and the rest of the gang?" " I just bunked the class." said Karthik. I looked at Renu, " Would you mind if I took Renu now? ...... comeon Renu let's go. "I said" "Where to?" Asked Renu in a low voice. "You just come with me. We are not going to the boring class for sure. " I took Renu's hand and took her away saying "Bye Karthik." I looked at him. I wanted to tell him what happened and wanted to ask so many questions but all that could wait. Renu was more important, she had to know she didn't have to choose among her two best friends.
I took her to the canteen.We grabbed a tea and puff. Sitting there I told her" Renu, I understand how you felt as you entered the class. I know it's becoming tough for you because of me and Somu. If I ask you for a favor, you won't say No to me na?" "What's that?" asked Renu."Please, please be with Somu, she's going through so much. I can manage myself but Somu needs your support. I'm not asking you to leave me. I just want you to be with her.You get it what I'm trying to tell you right?" I was making patterns on the table. She held my hands and said "I'm not sure what i want to do and what I should do. But the last thing I want right now is to be told what I need to do. So please don't force me to do things. I walked out because I was in no mood to attend classes, I messaged Karthik to bunk his class as I wanted to talk to him. Poor guy, missed his CCN class 'cos of me. I told him.... "looking at me she paused to know what was my reaction then continued "I told him everything that happened. Do you want to know what he told me ?" asked Renu. " No renu, I'm not yet prepared for this talk." I looked around. I had tears in my eyes. Damn I didn't want to cry. I was not so weak. I took few deep breath's. I could feel my palms all sweaty. I was bitting my lips hard. I said again " I'm not yet ready to listen, I want time to understand a few things about myself, and understand what everything else means to me." Renu said - "But you got to hear this." only to realise it was break time and the canteen was getting flooded. Let's get back to class, I said and we went back to class, Renu sat with me. I wonder how Somu was feeling. She surely would have decided me to be a traitor by now. She would be feeling, I was taking away all that belonged to her. Yet I know, the truth is not that. I sat there in the class pretending to be fine, pretending to be intrested in the class, pretending I had no fear, I was pretending from head to toe. I remembered only one thing. I wanted to Live from the inside out, not from the outside in.
Around that time ( part 3 )
We waited for the bus.Standing there I kept thinking,why Somu had this misunderstanding towards me.How do I clear it up? By then the bus arrived, I got into the bus waved at Renu. Thankfully the bus wasn't crowded. I sat on a window seat. Habitually, I took out my book and started reading it. (quote)Analysis is condemnation. I ask myself, "Why do you want to do that?" This question is ill willed. I am seeking a motive that I have prejudged unworthy of me. Second guessing my motives undetermines faith in my own mind and leads to a decision to thwart the desire I had. Ahealthier approach would be to accpet the desire and simply seek to learn its direction, seek to clarify it rather than judge it. None of it was understood by me. I was sitting there thinking of what had happened and how i would want to get out of this mess. I remembered Karthik, I was of the opinion he was a good guy but what had he told somu and what had she understood it to be. Could it be somu's misunderstanding or is it Karthik's ?I'm not sure. But definetly I need to talk, talk to both of them.I was just thinking and my mobile vibrated, it was a message. A message from lav's , it read- " Hey, howdy? Got to know about the scene.R u n karthik BB." Me and Karthik - Bunty aur Babli. I got more irritated, the news had already spread to the other section. Can't people mind their own buisness? I just deleted the message and switched off my mobile. I didn't want any more annoying for the day, it was already an overdose.I looked around, for some strange reason i felt everyone was staring at me.The bus stopped at the next stop and many more people got into the bus and a few got down.A lady came and sat next to me. she had a baby with her, he was sleeping.I just moved further towards the window making enough space for the lady. She sat down comfortably and smiled at me. I smiled back and looked at the baby. The thoughts in my mind seemed to be running marathon.I saw the book was open on my lap. I closed it and put it back into the bag.I kept turning my head looking out of the window, at the lady, the baby and the people in the bus.
The time seemed to have been struck and i felt totally miserable.I wanted to cry but i controlled myself.I remembered the first day of the college when I first met somu.We were in the auditorium and listening to welcome speech and soon after that we had the prayer. "Maha ganapathim manasa smarami" such a melodious song and such a sweet voice. I could bearly see the girl as i was sitting far from the dias but i remembered the name that was announced by the HOD, "Now we have a prayer by Sowmya, 1st EC 'A', I kindly request all of you to stand up." 1st EC 'A' was my class i thought in my mind. Somu loved to sing and she had a song for every situation. Her favourite happy song, favourite sad song, favourite dance song, favourite masti song, etc, etc, etc., I'm sure she would be singing "dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha, zindagi humhe teri aitbaar na raha" from the movie Sangam. She is so filmi, actually we both are. We are such drama queens. Once we had to go out to MG and our parents wouldn't allow, I still remember we had made such a mess our parents had to drop us personally to MG. And during the Digi electronics class we had sprayed ink on MRG sir's shirt from behind and he hadn't noticed it till he reached staffroom.All of us were having such a laugh in the class and he was seriously teaching the black board.
The first day of the classes when we were sent to the classrooms, as I sat there wondering who sowmya could be.A voice from back spoke to me "Hi, I'm sowmya from National college.What's your name? I had blurtted out, "so you were the one who sung on the stage just now". And she smilingly replied "yes, that was me."She didn't know my name for days as I never told her my name. She had to borrow one of my notes to know my name. And last month at wonderla during the semister break, what fun we had? On the rides, in the wave pool, the rain dance which we went twice! We had such great time together and now is a time when I have no words to describe how it is.
I had reached my stop. Got down and started walking towards home. I had reached the park, when i met nirmala auntie( my mom's friend ) she comes there daily for a walk. I said hello asking her how she was doing but my mind was still stuck with somu. seeing me lost she asked me "Are you fine?" I said "I'm tired, had early morning classes today." i continued towards home saying bye to her.As i walked on the road, I could see the sun set. He looked like an orange ball. Everything in this world is an illusion, I thought.
Around that time ( part 2 )
part 2 ::
(quote)"you ought to" means "I want you to,"so why not say. The loud horn of Somu's bike went on and I closed the book and walked out. It looked clear, she was upset even today.What could be keeping her upset consecutively? Only she could say but she choose not to speak, not just to everyone but even with me.The classes went on, she would just disappear during the breaks and drop me back home after the classes.This went on for about a week. By now everyone knew there was something wrong with her.But somu didn't tell anyone.We would come together to college sit in the class and go back home together again without exchanging a single word throughout. Somu hadn't spoken the whole week. I had almost forgotten how she sounded like.I would try to make conversations but looking at her dull face I would think, I need to give her space. Once she feels better she'll defiently tell me about it. After all she shared everything with me till date.
My behaviour had changed too involuntarily, I had started remaining silent at home.Mom had started to ask what was wrong with me.I would say I have loads to study and hide behind books for hours and get seen only during dinners.but what was happening was very confusing, as I didn't know what was happening.I had to ask Somu to tell me.It had strated to seem she would never tell until she's presurized to say. We went to the class that day and as usual in the break Somu disappeared, everyone came to me and shaina said "today we got to ask Somu what's wrong with her.If all of us ask together she'll have to say." So we decided we would do the do it after the classes.Being thursday, the classes were over by 3 p.m. and we withheld Somu in the class with us and latched the door after everyone else left.
All eighteen girls surrounded Somu.And everyone started to talk at once.Somu panicked and closed her ears, she was trying to say something but wasn't being heard.I went and moved everyone saying "let her breath, your suffocating her." " Are you even concerned about me?" that was Somu's voice.It had been 13 days 18 hours and god knows how many minutes, I was denied hearing this voice. Everyone were standing on either side of her. Her eyes were only fixed on me. "Do you even care about me?" Somu asked looking at me. I just turned around, my hands moved upto my chest and remained there and not a word came out of my very mouth. I just stood there. I was even more confused. Had I caused the pain, was Somu suffering because of me.But what did i do? or what did I say to make her feel so? And everyone there stood at their place, not one spoke. After about 3 minutes, I answered " I care about you Somu." "No, No, You don't" said Somu firmly. I could feel the anger in her voice and she seemed certain about what she was saying.I wasn't prepared for this. This was extreme humiliation. I didn't know how I was gonna handle this."If you cared for me, you wouldn't have betrayed me Vani." somu said on the top of her voice.
Rena came forward, "Somu don't shout, what do you mean by Vani betrayed you. what did she do?" Somu replied "she's betrayed me, I thought she was my best friend but she just did things behind my back. No one has ever hurt me, the way she has." I went forward, kneeled down and held Somu's hand and asked "Somu I could never think of hurting you, please tell me where did I go wrong?" Somu stranded her hands from mine."Don't you know?"I looked straight into her eyes and asked "What Somu?"She gave one of those wicked smiles and said" How can you lie to me in the eye? You are so good at it.""But I don't know, so please tell me." I said, I had almost lost all the patience I had But I didn't want to fight with my best friend in front of all the girls."Ok, If you want to know then be it ... .... Karthik, you stole Karthik from me. you knew how much I loved him and what he meant to me. Yet you played your dirty tricks."Somu said as she wiped her tears in both the hands."No Somu, I have nothing to do with Karthik" I had not even completed my sentence, Somu said "No please dont lie again, I would have believed you, but Karthik told this himself. So you can't fool me anymore."She got up, took her bag and walked away just like the other day. As she walked I could see pieces of our friendship scattered all over the room. I sat down on the dias, trying to control my tears. I knew nothing about it. But who would believe me? I looked at everyone, everyone looked at me as though i was a sinner.
I just sat there as everyone walked out. Renu came upto to me after everyone left and said "Come let's go."I didn't look at her, I just held my bag and we left the class room.I had tears in my eyes and as I walked out of the college, they rolled down on my cheek. We walked together, but I felt so lonely.
Around that time (part 1)
Around that time is a fictious short story which i'll write as serial, I've written the first part of it today. Please wait for more episodes of it to come in my future posts. Around that time basically revolves around three girls who are best friends and are classmates studying to become engineers. This is about one phase of their life. I have tried my best to give a realistic feel to it. Every quote you see is from the book "Notes to myself "- My struggle to become a person by Hugh Prather.
Part - 1 ::
(quote) "All I want is to be loved." - wanting to be loved, to be lovable, is not really a desire for how I want to be, but for how I want others to be. I closed the book on hearing the loud horn .I forced the last piece of bread into my mouth n' a sip of milk. I grabbed my bag and walked hurriedly to the gate and wroomed behind Somu. somu looked upset, but we didn't talk. It was more like she didn't want to talk and I kept quite.That was the understanding we shared.In one year we knew each other so well, that we no longer needed words to say how we felt.We reached the college, parked the bike and entered the class.
We were in time for the first hour EC class, by the time I could exchange a word with netu and say a hi, GKV sir entered the class. His classes were always a bore. We sat down, He was teaching the Transition and Diffusion Capacitance and we were sitting in the last bench exchanging notes to each other about what happened over the weekend.Tanu was very excited as she had been to coorg trip with her family. August is lovely in coorg and all the pictures of the western ghats, Abbey waterfalls and the coffee estates looked pretty. Somu wasn't involved in our talk neither was she listening to the lecture. I was sure, there was something serious she couldn't be upset over petty things. I tried as much to cover up so that no one else noticed. finally, the class was over but now we had a bigger torture the HOD himself. Now we moved from last bench to the first bench. HOD never doubted the front benchers or asked them any questions. In this class too we kept our buisness on and the lecture was totally off limits. I was just waiting for the break, and here it was. HOD took an extra 10 min class and he finally let us go.
I dragged somu to the girl's room. No good, other's came along too. What was I to do now. So i asked renu to take somu to the parking lot and I quitely accompanied them without anyone else noticing. They would only realise once the class started by then they can't come out looking for us too.I met renu and somu at the parking. We sat down, I asked - " Somu, what''s the matter? why are u upset, did you have fight with your mom or did your aunt say anything that made you sad?" she just remained silent. Renu spoke -" come on somu, now don't make us plead you. Be a good girl tell us what's on your mind " somu was silent, she didn't speak a word. now Renu was enraged " so you've decided you don't want to tell us then why the hell do make it known to us that you're upset, why don't you pretend to be happy?" somu just walked away. This was really bad. she had never walked on us before. Renu yelled loudly " hey you can't walk away, we're not done yet" somu didn't even look back.I held renu's hand and pressed it softly.She just sat down"how could she do this to us? we are her best friends, we were there for her during her drawing exam when she almost screwed the paper, i showed her my drawing and remember we helped her during that fight with naresh too. we stood by her side. how could she, i mean, how could she just walk on us like this" said Renu. Renu was not completely wrong but i felt Somu had her reasons to be acting weird too.So I just looked at Renu in her eyes and silently I looked down as i moved my hair with my fingers. I didn't know what to say and even if I did what would I say? I came home in the bus and waited all evening for Somu to call but she didn't.
question maze - 1
Life has its unique ways, you don't know what lies ahead in your own life.You may try to predict but mind it haan... it's only a prediction you can never be sure and say for certain. Thoughts of the mind are always directed towards future when you have a work at hand, your first thought will be - "I shall start it from tomorrow or This will be done the first thing tomorrow in the morning. Well what makes us make plans for a tomorrow that we are not sure of?I say, it's blind belief - Tomorrow has always been there henceforth it shall be there tomorrow again for me to run and implement my plans and make more plans for another uncertain tomorrow.This way we live with the mystery tomorrow in today.
Again my mind rises another question - Is it good or bad to have plans for tomorrow? I say it's good and why is it good? Let me tell you, practically there could be only two possibilities " There shall be a tomorrow or there shall not be a tomorrow". If there's no tomorrow in your life, supposedly then you have nothing to loose. You made a plan and it didn't work. But if there's a tomorrow in your life than you can work according to your plan that way you have a better structured life.Just imagine a situation where you didn't have a plan and you have stepped into tomorrow - Now you're confused, you don't know what needs to be done.You end up doing random jobs when with a simple plan you could have made a lot of difference in your tomorrow.so either ways it's good to plan that way you'll have a reason to look forward to tomorrow.But there arises a problem when you make a plan for tomorrow and you are desperate and adamant on working out the plan and don't step back even when you've seen it fail miserably several times.If a plan doesn't work then change the route and try to work out the plan goal if that doesn't help too then smartness lies in changing the whole plan and the goal.
My mind has too many questions,"Now how do you decide on the plan and the goals you ought to make for a better tomorrow?" Let me tell you, there's nothing like the PLAN FOR BETTER TOMORROW.You can always make a plan and hope it to work for your betterment.Life could be wicked sometimes (actually you feel most of the times as you forget to take into account all the times when life favoured you and try to count the average and failures of your plans only) it makes you stand like a fool with your foolproof plan.Many a times, you structure plans, work all the possibilities and grow step by step and when you're about to reach the peak, life just changes its plan and ties you up in situations where you need to start from the scratch.
Understanding the games of life is tough.There are many permutations and combinations it employs which we cannot even imagine.Life teases us to play but we never know that each of our move is decided not by us but by Life itself.
Next i'll try to write about then how do men make their own life's?Are there self - made men that should be intresting !
Now I'm making a plan for another tomorrow!!!!
please put in your viewpoint, let's just debate.
P.S. :::: courage doesn't always roar.Sometimes courage is the silent voice at the end of the day saying, "I'll try again tomorrow".
Strawberry Jelly!!
The tempting and deep pink strawberry jelly
I swallowed it whole and now it rests in my belly
it looked great as it danced on my spoon
into my mouth and it melted soon.
It was an experience heavenly, to be
having strawberry jello w'th icecreme
not to forget,the honey dipped raisins
that made a perfect topping.
~~chetana. N
The Early Morning Experience
I barely slept all night, nothing seemed peaceful - the way it should be. I just wanted to escape to a land like the "Nowhere". but since practically it wasn't possible. I woke my sister up early in the morning and we decided to hit the road. We waited till sunrise and left home to catch up with some beautiful early morning mist, cold wind, beautiful sunrise, cotton candy clouds, walkers, joggers, milkmen, paper boys, people travelling, etc etc etc... It's an adventure of a kind and more important it's something i shared and experienced with my sister. We were out there in the cold morning chasing the droopy in us.
The poem below tells step by step journey - - -
I could hear, the roads just calling loud and clear
It's about time we hit it, at 6 am here.
it was magically mistic, that looked damn artistic
experiencing the chill, we left seeking the sun rising.
Out there we were on the usual route, looking
at the sky adding light as the sun rose
that's when I clicked the first picture
thinking it was nature's beautiful pose.
going further on the beaten track, we took right -As the day started to seem a little more bright
I clicked a few more attractive pictures
of traffic, people and clouds, like an ameteur.
wrooming as the wind kept gushing on the face
the branches moved in a cheering mood, with grace
vehicles now had
begun to rise in number
and people walked as
in dreamless slumber.
tracking all - we were now far,
almost hitting
the mysore road, when I felt like quitting
this route and heading on an adventure streaking
we took a cross road without hesitating.
little did we know, where we would go
but something in me said - this would be exciting show
a little further away we could see the huge gate
that led to the roads which were wide and absolute.
clicking pictures many, we made a quick run
this wasn't something we would do sun to sun
wider better roads that were empty stretches
between the two hills which were burst forthe.
We moved away from the beaten track to
explore a road that was surprising, for true
The pleasure of doing something together
got the better of us in this cold weather.
Sweet Love
This earth would be a blase If not for love,
what else could be indulged with such a craze.
It wraps you in a cocoon , ties you with dreams
puts a twinkle in your eyes, and no stupidity seems extreme.
Attached to the wings of love, you fly high
higher and higher than the blue sky.
Everything seems so lovely and beautiful
in the company of love, you never feel awful.
Righteous say, love only hurts and the pain
that pierce sharp n' deep, in a life time doesn't drain.
But being in love is an experience, you ought to have
cos' thats one thing you could take along into the grave.
moments of love, are those which you shared with
a loved one, and only you know it wasn't a myth.
Love changes the person in you, makes you bad to good
better than any other experience could.
~~ Chetana. N
MUSIC REVIEW :: Album :: I Am... Sasha Fierce
Album : I Am...Sasha Fierce
Release date : november 12, 2008.
genre : pop, R&B.
label : music world, columbia.
I Am... Sasha Fierce is the third solo studio album by Beyonce Knowles.The album debuted this year in november topping the billboard charts. The music in this album is different from her previous albums, it shows a whole new side of beyonce as a woman.This album is released as two disc and here i'm gonna talk about the songs in the disc 1. Sasha Fierce is supposed to be an Alter-ego (the closest pal ever) of beyonce. The one that she wears when she's on stage performing.
The track listing of disc 1 is as follows --
- "If I Were a Boy" (BC Jean, Toby Gad) – 4:09
- "Halo" (Tedder, Evan "Kidd" Bogart, Knowles) – 4:21
- "Disappear" (Chakrabongse, Ghost, Knowles, Dave McCracken, Dench) – 4:27
- "Broken-Hearted Girl" (Knowles, Eriksen, Hermansen, Babyface) – 4:37
- "Ave Maria" (Hermansen, Knowles, Makeba, Dench, Ghost, Eriksen) – 3:41
- "Satellites" (Knowles, Ghost, McCracken, Dench) – 3:06
- "Save the Hero" (Knowles, Rico Love, James Scheffer, Alexandra Tamposi) (iTunes bonus Track) – 4:33
The album starts of with a beautiful number "IF I were a Boy" - this song is about a girl, saying about the little things in her relation with her guy, and how she would have changed it - If she was the boy even just for one day. she swears on being a better man. And how she's taken for granted.The little things that hurts and how the guy doesn't care and don't understand.
The video seems to have been shot according to the song's requirement, we don't have beyonce dancing n' singing, something she's very good at.yet the subtle video full of emotional drama should keep you glued.This a humming song,will surely make you sing it again and again.
The second song in the album is the "halo" - it's a beautiful romantic number. A song describing love and how you feel in love. What a sweet tender touch it is.. watch the video here http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=BsYHsLq_09M
The album moves further with the song "Disappear". Love has its up's and down's. This is a song which talks about the down part. When you feel like your love has Disappered, you didn't see it coming and ignored all the signs and landed in this situation. Now,the next song is "Broken- Hearted girl".Its the part no one girl wants to play,you can't play love the way someone wants it and not your way.This song also talks about flying off rather than being stuck. The album continues more songs about different phases of love in the songs," Ave Maria", where you have a girl telling her tale of falling in love. "Smash Into You" is another song with the blues touch to it, describing how there are times when you just wish and fantasise about love. "Sattelites" is a song how she wants her relation to be like those of satellites, which is more a thought of fiction but love could lead to a lot of imagination which could be weird too, sometimes. "That's why your beautiful" is surely a beautiful song again.
Over all its a collection of melodious songs which describe the different stages in love, So if you're in love or you want to be in love. This is the album you ought to listen to.It's got the beautiful beyonce singing in her sexy voice.The only thing you might miss is her dancing and if your a guy then the skin show.
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