Showing posts with label Around that time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Around that time. Show all posts
Around that time ( part 8 )
Being in India is very different experience now. You got your parents, brother, constant visitors and even more buzzing neighbours all out there intrested in striking a conversation with you. Let you know about their general knowldge about the world and their personal life experiences and the million dollar question, when are you getting married? two days back home and I was tired of all this. And also I had to do the running around for Somu's last minute shopping. Handling a marriage isn't easy !! Somu was happy that was the best part.
2 more days to the wedding and all relatives had arrived. Many customs and celebrations were ongoing process since the time we landed. The 9 hour flight and straight away into a commotion. Finally I had some lone moments with Somu. " So how does it feel ? " I asked naughtily. " Not good, I'm scared, hope I'm doing the right thing. What do you say?" Somu asked anxiously. She wants to think whether she's right or not now.. when she'll be getting married the day after. god help this girl. keeping my thoughts to myself, I smiled and said " Rahul is a nice guy, he'll keep you happy.Have no fear, you always do the right thing, you know that don't you? " I said in a teasing tone to easy her with her anxiousness. We sat on her bed. She held both my hands in her's. I could feel her cold hands.This probabaly is the fear of transformation I told myself. Change always bring in fear along, I absolutely didn't know what would make her feel better but I knew I had to calm her down. " What do you want me to gift for your 25th anniversary? " I asked. A smile grew on Somu's face. "what Vani?" she asked confused. "You heard it right. I'm just asking you in advance. " I said. Now we were giggling at each other.
Before we knew the Wedding day arrived, the wedding hall was decorated with beautiful and delicate flowers. Everyone looked their best. There were many relatives and friends. Renu flew down on the same day.Everyone seemed to be enjoying and having fun. Everyone was feeling happy for Rahul and Somu. The ceremony began on time, and went on according to the customs. I sat there with Renu and Satish. We watched them binding in the holy bond. I met a few of my college friends. It was nice catching up with everyone after 3 years. Everyone looked different, dressed differently. It was more like the old times were back again. Many more were expected at the reception that would be held in the evening. After, the holy ceremony everyone wished the bride and groom and all the elder's blessed them the very best for future. Now Somu was Mrs. Rahul Saxena and looked happier than ever. The wedding lunch was lavishing and you had something to offer for everyone's taste. The heavy lunch and all the running around put me to sleep. It wasn't until Renu woke me I got up realizing I was late for the reception. I got ready in a giffy. Renu was cursing to have been held up cos of me. We reached the reception hall. We were late. Somu was angry, I could tell in the way she saw us. We had missed the family photo session. By now guests had started wishing the newly wed's and the buffet had begun too. The hall looked bright and colorful. Somu looked Gorgeous in her green saree and Rahul in his black suit.
Around that time ( part 7 )
The thought, " You're lucky, it could have been worse," is the kind of gratitude I can do without. It also could have been better, or, actually, it couldn't have been any other way than the way it was. I sat at the airport thinking of these lines I had read long back. Somu's flight was arriving any minute now after being delayed for 4 hours, I was still lost in the thoughts of those wonderful college days. How me and Somu never spoke for the next two years, it wasn't until Renu's marriage we started talking again. And why wouldn't we ? We had graduated and Karthik was history then, none of us knew where he was. We were friends again, Renu now lives with her husband in delhi, and I have been calling Edgware road studio as home for the past 2 years. A loner life in London is pathetic but Now that somu was moving here life had started to seem more exciting than ever. I could hear the announcement. Somu had landed and I was waiting to see her after one year. Our last phonic conversation was when she was leaving Mumbai airport. We jumped in joy and we hugged eachother, trying to note the changes in our appearance in the last one year. Somu had changed, she was now a beautiful woman, someone who could be any man's desire. She was poised and perfect. "you look beautiful ! " I said. Somu smiled and said but " But not more than you... London weather is quite cold." " yeah, wait for the onset of winter." saying this I picked her bag's.
Life was quite perfect except for the constant phone calls from home pestering to check out marriage proposals. Somu had found love in Rahul, they were planning a spring wedding. And I was waiting for Love to walk into my life. I would be 25 in 4 more months. At once life seemed to have been stuck with the same rotinue of work, friends, weekend fun and more work on monday morning's. And home seemed so away as I stood next to the London bridge, thinking what should be my next step. It was late when I got home. Somu and Rahul were there, they looked very happy. As soon as somu saw me, she hugged me and said " I'm getting married the 24 th of next month." I was very happy for her. " Congrats ... ." Turning towards Rahul "congrats Rahul. " I said. " But you hardly have 3 weeks to prepare for the wedding." I said. " Don't worry, everything will be taken care of. Dad and mom will take care of everything. " said Somu. I looked at her confused. " Yes, we are getting married in Bangalore." Rahul said. "My parents have agreed for our marriage ." He said. I hugged Somu again. That evening we celebrated the news over dinner. somu and Rahul were stranger's a year ago and now deeply in love with other and were getting married. I slept that night with these thoughts - Often my desires are based on images of what I think I want to be. I applied for leave, the first thing next morning. I was going back home after 10 months. I was sure mom would have a parade of guys for me to check out. The next two weeks went by shopping for the wedding. In a haste, we left for Bangalore on the 19th.
Around that time ( part 6 )
I reached home and was watching tv when I recieved a call from Renu. Probably Karthik had told her we had met. But why did he have to tell her? Was he trying to get me influenced? Whatever I couldn't avoid talking to Renu. she is sweet caring friend of mine. We spoke for about 15 minutes, most part of it being regarding the internals we had just finished. I ended the call by saying" I spoke to Karthik will tell you more when we meet" and hung up. Renu was understanding, sometimes I felt she was more matured than Somu. But I can't blame Somu too she had her reasons, limitaions and circumstances to be the way she was. The evening just passed by. I was in my room after dinner reading newspaper when mom came in with apple. Apple was only a reason, she wanted to talk to me. I could figure that out. She sat down and casually asked me " How's everything going on?" " hmmm... everything's just fine mom. " I replied. "So what's with you and Somu?" she asked me as she handed over the piece of apple. "We are just having a bad time, a few differences and misunderstandings. You know na ma. We should be fine in few days to come." I said. Though I wasn't sure what was to happen in the coming days. Mom handed another piece of apple and said " Try to sort things soon with Somu. mom has never intruded with me and my friends and has helped me grow into the free individual that I am. She left to finish up cleaning the kitchen. I slept late that night, I was lying on the bed and reading. The last words I read were - "Don't fight a fact, deal with it. Don't discard yourself, be more of it.
The next day in the lab Renu was very excited to know more about Karthik and me and our meeting. She was the only one with whom I could share. Hence I told her.I told her every word of it. " when are you meeting him again?" Renu asked. " I guess, it's best to avoid him Renu. The problem is he likes me and my best friend likes him. Doesn't it sound like karan johar's film story?" I asked. When I got no reaction from her, I continued. " It's tough to accept when such things happen in life. I have given a lot of thought on it. " I said. "Have you gone mad? " said Renu as she kept her book aside and came closer to me. "Karthik is a nice guy. He is serious about you. " By then Sir came to the lab and we couldn't talk more. At that very point something struck my mind and I knew if this could work everything would become normal. I choose to keep it from everyone including Renu. I would wait for the time to be right. I attended classes normally. Avoided Karthik and his talks with Renu. Karthik probably waited for me to get back to him. I was being a good and hardworking student - doing all my assignments on my own, completing lab records and observations. I spent most of the time in library now, either reading or thinking on how I could execute my plan.
It had been three weeks and I wasn't any close. Then I had my luck, when shaina came to me to borrow my LD notes. I knew she could help me out. Somu was getting close to her. I struck a deal with shaina and she readily accepted to help me out . Now I messaged Karthik. " Hi, How r u doing? I wanted to meet you, tmrw at 10 am on the college terrace. hoping to cya thr." I immediately got a call from Karthik. I went out of the library into the corridor to take his call. " hi Karthik " I said. " Hi vani, I got a message from you, I just wanted to confirm it. So I called hope I didn't disturb you. " he said. " Oh no, Thank you so much for calling. So See Ya on the terrace tomorrow." I said expecting him to hang up. But he wanted to talk more. "What do you want to talk to me about?" He asked. "That you'll get to know only tomorrow, please be there right on time. Bye " I said and hung up. I was close to setting things right or I could screw it more. But I wanted to take a chance rather than doing nothing about it. . The next day, I came early to college. Went up on the terrace, made sure I had locked the other entrance to the terrace. I waited but time just wouldn't pass. I sat there thinking what I would talk to Somu when she would be there and how she would forget the past and we would get back to being good friends again.
Shaina came with Somu right at 9:45 am as she had promised. As they entered the terrace Somu saw me. She went furious on seeing me.Looking at Shaina she said "You shouldn't have done this." I went a head, standing right in front of Somu I said " If I ever meant a friend to you, then please stay and listen to me. " I said. She turned towards the door. "Won't you give me one chance to explain. Was I that bad with you. For good times sake stay back."I pleaded. What worked the magic I don't know but Somu turned back and said "Ok tell me what you have to say. Make it quick I don't have too much time for you." " I Haven't betrayed your trust. I have nothing to do with Karthik. I don't know why he said he would want to date me or why he would ask me out soon." I stopped there to see Somu's reaction. She was getting more furious for sure. She said "So you know everything, but you're forgetting something here." What's that?" I asked. By then Karthik got on the terrace with a red rose in hand. " Oh my god ! I don't want to stay here and have more humiliation. " Said Somu. Karthik looked at all the three of us. " Hi girls, Hi Vani." He said. "I'm leaving. Let's go shaina." said Somu. " "Somu please don't go, we can talk it out. Please stay back." I had tears but I didn't let them roll down my cheeks making it evident that i was crying. Somu looked at Karthik went towards him and said " Probably you didn't tell her everything you said at Pizza hut. didn't you? " She had a wicked smile on her face. She left with Shaina.
With Somu leaving me I was broken But what had Karthik said. Hadn't he told me everything that happened at Pizza hut? Did he hide something from me? I asked Karthik "What's Somu talking about?" Karthik who was always confident, I saw him nervous now. He wasn't looking at me. He brought the rose in his hand forward and said " I got this for you. Please take it." I took it. I don't know what was I thinking but I held the rose in my hand. Then he continued. " I went over board,I'm sorry. I was excited for the first time I was talking about you and me. Hence I had lost control on what I was saying, I said - That we were waiting for the right time to make our relation public. I'm sorry. I know we never spoke anything about it. But we have always had a good time. I was only trying to pose in front of my friends. I had no other intentions trust me please." He held my hand, I had gone cold and his hands felt warm. I was not prepared to listen to what I just did. I wished someone would wake me from this night mare.I had lost the last hope I had. I took back my hand. I said no word nor did I see his face.I just walked down from the terrace dropping the rose from my hand as Karthik stood there.The whole world had gone silent.
Around that time ( part 5 )
Another week of college went by. It was no less than torture but I was getting used to it.Now in 3 days we had our first Internals. It was important firstly, as the syllabus would be less and also if you score well then you only have to do well in one more internals. Aggregate is taken from best two of the three internals. Studying was first in the agenda. Six subjects and three days of preparations was good enough as the internals were only for 25 marks. The next three days went by and so did the three days after that. Two internals per day had left us with any time to catch up with anything else. I Studied all the while with Renu without having a clue with whom was Somu studying. I would see her only in the class writing the internals. I did come across Karthik a few times on the stairs and canteen but avoided talking to him. I always felt that he was holding himself from doing the talk and was waiting for me to come out on it.
It was now 15 days since the Day, though it seemed to be much much more. I attended the classes asusual and left for home on my scooty. I was just two kms away to home when I saw Karthik on the road. I looked at him and went past him. He got on his bike and followed me. I met him at the next signal. "hi vani." he said. " oh.... Hi " I said as if I hadn't noticed him. " I was hoping we could talk" he said. well I had been waiting to talk too definetly not on the road as we were standing in the signal! so I said. " Why don't you come home we can sit and talk comfortably." "you know we won't be able to talk comfortably if we are at your place." By then the green signal went on and I crossed the signal and parked the vehicle onto the road side." Ok then, Coffee day would be fine?" I asked. he nodded is head. "Then follow me. " I said as I accelarated.
We sat in the coffee day. It was 5 pm and there were no people to drink coffee that day. We sat there. I kept looking through the menu. He was looking at me. Silence prevailed for ten minutes. "There was a time when we couldn't stop talking and now we have no words to talk." he said "I don't want to beat around the bush, I was silent hoping you'll tell me what happened between you and Somu on the other day? " I looked into his face. he looked into mine. He was serious, I had never seen him like that before. he said "Before I tell you something, I want you to know I care for you. I admire the friendship you share with Somu." I was out of control and in no mood to listen to anything other than what had happened, " Now I know so please tell me what happened. " I said being sarcastic . " I will. " He said But please let's order first and he called for the order. "I'll have a Coffee latte." I said. And he ordered for Irish Coffee.
Seeing I was desperate to know he began "This happened on sunday when you missed out coming for Kamesh's treat.". I was listening with all ears. "Somu was there with rinki. We went to the Pizza hut, we were having a good time when snap's spotted a cute couple and we started talking about dating. I was thrown with a random question by Somu asking me what kind of girl I would like to date. I casually said I would like to date someone like Vani. She went onto ask, then do you plan on asking her out. And I said yes very soon I will. This was the conversation that led to all the drama." As soon as he was done I blurted. "she likes you." I said "Can't you see it? She felt offended that you took my name instead of her's. she loves you like crazy and I doubt you'll find anyone else to match her. Why don't you talk to her?" I suggested reacting quick to what he said. "Are you out of your mind? Why should I talk to her and what should I talk her about? Tell me. " Karthik sounded angry. I kept quite. I had no answer. I didn't utter a word. I just wanted everything to be like before Me, Somu, Karthik - All just friends. Wonder why does love have to intervene? Somu loves Karthik and Karthik very smartly told me he likes me. What Am I to do?
Now again I stand in the centre to be hit by everyone, I thought. Why do i have to be the target? By then, the coffee was served. As we sipped coffee, Karthik said " Don't worry everything will be fine. With time Somu will understand I never liked her to be my girlfriend. She's a smart and pretty girl, she'll find someone who shall love her the most." I was now raging" But till then, what's she going to do? cry all nights and days for you... and have no friends... and no life. All because she loved you." I said it to myself. Wish I could say it out loud to Karthik. But I kept quite. I quickly finished the coffee and said " I'm getting late to go home." "But I want to talk many more things to you. " Karthik said. "We shall Karthik but I have to go now. Hope you understand."I said. Leaving him with no choice. He paid the bill and we left on our bikesafter saying bye. My thoughts would'nt stop. Karthik likes me out of everyone else in this world, forget the world out of everyone else in college. such pretty girls out there, was no one else good enough for him? why did he have to spoil my relation with Somu? Karthik is in 7th sem, and the topper in his batch too. He has his own gang of friends, all of them cool and nice. He's the lecturer's favourite. He's been placed in Infosys. He's sweet. He's caring.He's a catch no girl would want to miss. My thoughts were killing me.I remembered the lines I had read (quote) I don't feel " I want. " I feel " I lack." I decide " I want.
Around that time ( part 4 )
I went home and slept off to get up only the next morning. I was emotionally drained. I had got up early. I took my scooty out and got it in shape to go to college. I took a long warm shower preparing myself to face today's day. I was truly tensed as to what it might turn out to be.I ate the breakfast that mom served telling her - " Ma, Somu will not be picking me up today, I'll be taking my scooty ." She looked at me. I looked towards my feet. she said "ok, but be careful as you ride." I took my helmet, bag and left for college. I reached the college 15 minutes early. Not many had come as yet. There was Seema and Vidya. I just smiled at them said "hi. " And sat on the first bench.
I put on my mp3 player tuned it to the song afreen afreen by Nusrat Fateh Ali khan and took out my book and began to read it. I didn't want to notice everything that was happening around me. Did i actually know what was happening? What was I avoiding? But I preferred not to know and avoid it what so ever it was. I know everyone had an opinion about what happened sadly I had one too. "I shouldn't be thinking too much." I said to myself and continued with reading.(quote) Anxiety, fear, panic, is running away mentally, not physically. There is something over there in the corner of my mind, some thought, some image that I don't want to look at. Fear is based on the belief that I am safer not seeing, like a child closing its eyes as the ball comes toward it. Awareness is the first step to freeing the mind. I must not only hear the fear out but question it closely as to the answer it is suggesting. Just as with a nightmare, most fears will fall by the weight of their own nonsense - once they are bluntly seen. As I was pretending to be busy reading, shaina got into the class with Somu. Shaina shouted out a hi from across the room as she entered" Hi Vani" she screamed. Calling for every one's attention." hi shaina... H..i.. S..O..M..U.. " I said hesitantly.It took a lot of courage to say a hi.Shaina sat next to me where as Somu occupied the last bench.
Meanwhile Renu came in, She saw me and Somu seated in different benches.She stood there at the door looked at both of us and left.The class went on and I just pretended to be concentrating. I so much wanted to sort out things with Somu but this was definetly not the right time. And Renu, where did she go? As soon as we had the break I went out looking for Renu. I finally found her in the library. She was seated with someone. I walked towards her, only to find Karthik there. I controlled myself and with a fake smile said "Hi karthik, don't you seniors have classes today? where's nikitha, snap's and the rest of the gang?" " I just bunked the class." said Karthik. I looked at Renu, " Would you mind if I took Renu now? ...... comeon Renu let's go. "I said" "Where to?" Asked Renu in a low voice. "You just come with me. We are not going to the boring class for sure. " I took Renu's hand and took her away saying "Bye Karthik." I looked at him. I wanted to tell him what happened and wanted to ask so many questions but all that could wait. Renu was more important, she had to know she didn't have to choose among her two best friends.
I took her to the canteen.We grabbed a tea and puff. Sitting there I told her" Renu, I understand how you felt as you entered the class. I know it's becoming tough for you because of me and Somu. If I ask you for a favor, you won't say No to me na?" "What's that?" asked Renu."Please, please be with Somu, she's going through so much. I can manage myself but Somu needs your support. I'm not asking you to leave me. I just want you to be with her.You get it what I'm trying to tell you right?" I was making patterns on the table. She held my hands and said "I'm not sure what i want to do and what I should do. But the last thing I want right now is to be told what I need to do. So please don't force me to do things. I walked out because I was in no mood to attend classes, I messaged Karthik to bunk his class as I wanted to talk to him. Poor guy, missed his CCN class 'cos of me. I told him.... "looking at me she paused to know what was my reaction then continued "I told him everything that happened. Do you want to know what he told me ?" asked Renu. " No renu, I'm not yet prepared for this talk." I looked around. I had tears in my eyes. Damn I didn't want to cry. I was not so weak. I took few deep breath's. I could feel my palms all sweaty. I was bitting my lips hard. I said again " I'm not yet ready to listen, I want time to understand a few things about myself, and understand what everything else means to me." Renu said - "But you got to hear this." only to realise it was break time and the canteen was getting flooded. Let's get back to class, I said and we went back to class, Renu sat with me. I wonder how Somu was feeling. She surely would have decided me to be a traitor by now. She would be feeling, I was taking away all that belonged to her. Yet I know, the truth is not that. I sat there in the class pretending to be fine, pretending to be intrested in the class, pretending I had no fear, I was pretending from head to toe. I remembered only one thing. I wanted to Live from the inside out, not from the outside in.
Around that time ( part 3 )
We waited for the bus.Standing there I kept thinking,why Somu had this misunderstanding towards me.How do I clear it up? By then the bus arrived, I got into the bus waved at Renu. Thankfully the bus wasn't crowded. I sat on a window seat. Habitually, I took out my book and started reading it. (quote)Analysis is condemnation. I ask myself, "Why do you want to do that?" This question is ill willed. I am seeking a motive that I have prejudged unworthy of me. Second guessing my motives undetermines faith in my own mind and leads to a decision to thwart the desire I had. Ahealthier approach would be to accpet the desire and simply seek to learn its direction, seek to clarify it rather than judge it. None of it was understood by me. I was sitting there thinking of what had happened and how i would want to get out of this mess. I remembered Karthik, I was of the opinion he was a good guy but what had he told somu and what had she understood it to be. Could it be somu's misunderstanding or is it Karthik's ?I'm not sure. But definetly I need to talk, talk to both of them.I was just thinking and my mobile vibrated, it was a message. A message from lav's , it read- " Hey, howdy? Got to know about the scene.R u n karthik BB." Me and Karthik - Bunty aur Babli. I got more irritated, the news had already spread to the other section. Can't people mind their own buisness? I just deleted the message and switched off my mobile. I didn't want any more annoying for the day, it was already an overdose.I looked around, for some strange reason i felt everyone was staring at me.The bus stopped at the next stop and many more people got into the bus and a few got down.A lady came and sat next to me. she had a baby with her, he was sleeping.I just moved further towards the window making enough space for the lady. She sat down comfortably and smiled at me. I smiled back and looked at the baby. The thoughts in my mind seemed to be running marathon.I saw the book was open on my lap. I closed it and put it back into the bag.I kept turning my head looking out of the window, at the lady, the baby and the people in the bus.
The time seemed to have been struck and i felt totally miserable.I wanted to cry but i controlled myself.I remembered the first day of the college when I first met somu.We were in the auditorium and listening to welcome speech and soon after that we had the prayer. "Maha ganapathim manasa smarami" such a melodious song and such a sweet voice. I could bearly see the girl as i was sitting far from the dias but i remembered the name that was announced by the HOD, "Now we have a prayer by Sowmya, 1st EC 'A', I kindly request all of you to stand up." 1st EC 'A' was my class i thought in my mind. Somu loved to sing and she had a song for every situation. Her favourite happy song, favourite sad song, favourite dance song, favourite masti song, etc, etc, etc., I'm sure she would be singing "dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha, zindagi humhe teri aitbaar na raha" from the movie Sangam. She is so filmi, actually we both are. We are such drama queens. Once we had to go out to MG and our parents wouldn't allow, I still remember we had made such a mess our parents had to drop us personally to MG. And during the Digi electronics class we had sprayed ink on MRG sir's shirt from behind and he hadn't noticed it till he reached staffroom.All of us were having such a laugh in the class and he was seriously teaching the black board.
The first day of the classes when we were sent to the classrooms, as I sat there wondering who sowmya could be.A voice from back spoke to me "Hi, I'm sowmya from National college.What's your name? I had blurtted out, "so you were the one who sung on the stage just now". And she smilingly replied "yes, that was me."She didn't know my name for days as I never told her my name. She had to borrow one of my notes to know my name. And last month at wonderla during the semister break, what fun we had? On the rides, in the wave pool, the rain dance which we went twice! We had such great time together and now is a time when I have no words to describe how it is.
I had reached my stop. Got down and started walking towards home. I had reached the park, when i met nirmala auntie( my mom's friend ) she comes there daily for a walk. I said hello asking her how she was doing but my mind was still stuck with somu. seeing me lost she asked me "Are you fine?" I said "I'm tired, had early morning classes today." i continued towards home saying bye to her.As i walked on the road, I could see the sun set. He looked like an orange ball. Everything in this world is an illusion, I thought.
Around that time ( part 2 )
part 2 ::
(quote)"you ought to" means "I want you to,"so why not say. The loud horn of Somu's bike went on and I closed the book and walked out. It looked clear, she was upset even today.What could be keeping her upset consecutively? Only she could say but she choose not to speak, not just to everyone but even with me.The classes went on, she would just disappear during the breaks and drop me back home after the classes.This went on for about a week. By now everyone knew there was something wrong with her.But somu didn't tell anyone.We would come together to college sit in the class and go back home together again without exchanging a single word throughout. Somu hadn't spoken the whole week. I had almost forgotten how she sounded like.I would try to make conversations but looking at her dull face I would think, I need to give her space. Once she feels better she'll defiently tell me about it. After all she shared everything with me till date.
My behaviour had changed too involuntarily, I had started remaining silent at home.Mom had started to ask what was wrong with me.I would say I have loads to study and hide behind books for hours and get seen only during dinners.but what was happening was very confusing, as I didn't know what was happening.I had to ask Somu to tell me.It had strated to seem she would never tell until she's presurized to say. We went to the class that day and as usual in the break Somu disappeared, everyone came to me and shaina said "today we got to ask Somu what's wrong with her.If all of us ask together she'll have to say." So we decided we would do the do it after the classes.Being thursday, the classes were over by 3 p.m. and we withheld Somu in the class with us and latched the door after everyone else left.
All eighteen girls surrounded Somu.And everyone started to talk at once.Somu panicked and closed her ears, she was trying to say something but wasn't being heard.I went and moved everyone saying "let her breath, your suffocating her." " Are you even concerned about me?" that was Somu's voice.It had been 13 days 18 hours and god knows how many minutes, I was denied hearing this voice. Everyone were standing on either side of her. Her eyes were only fixed on me. "Do you even care about me?" Somu asked looking at me. I just turned around, my hands moved upto my chest and remained there and not a word came out of my very mouth. I just stood there. I was even more confused. Had I caused the pain, was Somu suffering because of me.But what did i do? or what did I say to make her feel so? And everyone there stood at their place, not one spoke. After about 3 minutes, I answered " I care about you Somu." "No, No, You don't" said Somu firmly. I could feel the anger in her voice and she seemed certain about what she was saying.I wasn't prepared for this. This was extreme humiliation. I didn't know how I was gonna handle this."If you cared for me, you wouldn't have betrayed me Vani." somu said on the top of her voice.
Rena came forward, "Somu don't shout, what do you mean by Vani betrayed you. what did she do?" Somu replied "she's betrayed me, I thought she was my best friend but she just did things behind my back. No one has ever hurt me, the way she has." I went forward, kneeled down and held Somu's hand and asked "Somu I could never think of hurting you, please tell me where did I go wrong?" Somu stranded her hands from mine."Don't you know?"I looked straight into her eyes and asked "What Somu?"She gave one of those wicked smiles and said" How can you lie to me in the eye? You are so good at it.""But I don't know, so please tell me." I said, I had almost lost all the patience I had But I didn't want to fight with my best friend in front of all the girls."Ok, If you want to know then be it ... .... Karthik, you stole Karthik from me. you knew how much I loved him and what he meant to me. Yet you played your dirty tricks."Somu said as she wiped her tears in both the hands."No Somu, I have nothing to do with Karthik" I had not even completed my sentence, Somu said "No please dont lie again, I would have believed you, but Karthik told this himself. So you can't fool me anymore."She got up, took her bag and walked away just like the other day. As she walked I could see pieces of our friendship scattered all over the room. I sat down on the dias, trying to control my tears. I knew nothing about it. But who would believe me? I looked at everyone, everyone looked at me as though i was a sinner.
I just sat there as everyone walked out. Renu came upto to me after everyone left and said "Come let's go."I didn't look at her, I just held my bag and we left the class room.I had tears in my eyes and as I walked out of the college, they rolled down on my cheek. We walked together, but I felt so lonely.
Around that time (part 1)
Around that time is a fictious short story which i'll write as serial, I've written the first part of it today. Please wait for more episodes of it to come in my future posts. Around that time basically revolves around three girls who are best friends and are classmates studying to become engineers. This is about one phase of their life. I have tried my best to give a realistic feel to it. Every quote you see is from the book "Notes to myself "- My struggle to become a person by Hugh Prather.
Part - 1 ::
(quote) "All I want is to be loved." - wanting to be loved, to be lovable, is not really a desire for how I want to be, but for how I want others to be. I closed the book on hearing the loud horn .I forced the last piece of bread into my mouth n' a sip of milk. I grabbed my bag and walked hurriedly to the gate and wroomed behind Somu. somu looked upset, but we didn't talk. It was more like she didn't want to talk and I kept quite.That was the understanding we shared.In one year we knew each other so well, that we no longer needed words to say how we felt.We reached the college, parked the bike and entered the class.
We were in time for the first hour EC class, by the time I could exchange a word with netu and say a hi, GKV sir entered the class. His classes were always a bore. We sat down, He was teaching the Transition and Diffusion Capacitance and we were sitting in the last bench exchanging notes to each other about what happened over the weekend.Tanu was very excited as she had been to coorg trip with her family. August is lovely in coorg and all the pictures of the western ghats, Abbey waterfalls and the coffee estates looked pretty. Somu wasn't involved in our talk neither was she listening to the lecture. I was sure, there was something serious she couldn't be upset over petty things. I tried as much to cover up so that no one else noticed. finally, the class was over but now we had a bigger torture the HOD himself. Now we moved from last bench to the first bench. HOD never doubted the front benchers or asked them any questions. In this class too we kept our buisness on and the lecture was totally off limits. I was just waiting for the break, and here it was. HOD took an extra 10 min class and he finally let us go.
I dragged somu to the girl's room. No good, other's came along too. What was I to do now. So i asked renu to take somu to the parking lot and I quitely accompanied them without anyone else noticing. They would only realise once the class started by then they can't come out looking for us too.I met renu and somu at the parking. We sat down, I asked - " Somu, what''s the matter? why are u upset, did you have fight with your mom or did your aunt say anything that made you sad?" she just remained silent. Renu spoke -" come on somu, now don't make us plead you. Be a good girl tell us what's on your mind " somu was silent, she didn't speak a word. now Renu was enraged " so you've decided you don't want to tell us then why the hell do make it known to us that you're upset, why don't you pretend to be happy?" somu just walked away. This was really bad. she had never walked on us before. Renu yelled loudly " hey you can't walk away, we're not done yet" somu didn't even look back.I held renu's hand and pressed it softly.She just sat down"how could she do this to us? we are her best friends, we were there for her during her drawing exam when she almost screwed the paper, i showed her my drawing and remember we helped her during that fight with naresh too. we stood by her side. how could she, i mean, how could she just walk on us like this" said Renu. Renu was not completely wrong but i felt Somu had her reasons to be acting weird too.So I just looked at Renu in her eyes and silently I looked down as i moved my hair with my fingers. I didn't know what to say and even if I did what would I say? I came home in the bus and waited all evening for Somu to call but she didn't.
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